Writing | Expectations

​I owe many men happiness I promised by smiling back at them.

I owe my parents the child that would make them proud.

I owe my friends the precious and supportive girl that would always be there when they need.

I owe the society that amazing helpful person I aspired to be.

And at last, I owe myself the satisfaction in life I promised that I would find.

Expectations are ledgers of debt that you carry along with you on the journey of life, and I have so much debts I cannot pay off.

Should we hate expectations? They seem to bring us so much stress.

But I am grateful.

I am grateful that people have put expectations on me because they think I am capable.

The men who expected me to contact them did so because they find me attractive.

My mom expected me to be intelligent because she believed that I can.

My friends expected my response because they value my thoughts.

I let many down, because I am not as capable as I appear to be.

But I am still grateful that they had faith in me.

As a girl struggled with self esteem for over a decade, this is too a form of validation.

Maybe if I have tried a little harder, I can bring a little bit more brightness to this world that I deeply love and longed to be a part of.