Diary | Disturbed sense of time and reality

I'm sorry.

You might wonder that why am I apologizing?

I have a disturbed sense of time and reality.

Like right now i feel like things happened in the beginning of September feels like yesterday but things in October feels so far away.

It's like... Maybe i didn't talk to you for a month or two and suddenly i catch up the conversation like we just talked yesterday. I used to wonder if I had multiple identity with separate memories but that doesn't seem like the case either. I do remember things in a correct order it's just the feelings, the mood...

When a mood changes, my feelings from last time when I was in the same mood feel much closer.

And this kind of change and detachment can be triggered or affected by a lot of things, like a lot of times I was not even sure what exactly was the reason. It sometimes can randomly happen when I wake up, but usually triggered by a change in sleeping schedule, sleeping quality and other things related to health. It also change when I'm going through an addiction or withdrawal from a medication such as a type of painkillers or antidepressants. Caffeine sometimes affects it too. Moreover it usually happens in the beginning and the end of a major depressive episode.

Sorry I don't know how to make sense right now. I'm kinda brain dead and not in the mood to explain complicated stuff. But I really really hate how I sometimes detach and reattach it gives me a lot depression and anxiety to adapt.